Quitting Alcohol after 25 years
Hiya, I'm Rob an alcoholic who's been in denial for over twenty years. I always enjoyed drinking, it was fun at first, I lost my inhibitions got loads of sex, played in a band and always seemed to be doing fine...My alcohol problem just crept up on me, I never realised that it was a problem and when I started smoking dope as well...I'd get into states that I could only describe as euphoric.
The thing with booze though is it really alters your reality, you act unreasonably and don't realise you are at fault, you become self opinionated, make an ass of yourself, you lose your motivation, creativity and you not only hurt yourself, but others around you. When I remember every time I ever did something I regretted, it was always whilst under the influence of alcohol.
Being an alcoholic you start a relationship with an uncaring lover, a lover that seems to comfort you and is always close to you, by your side as you sit outside appreciating nature, playing hide and seek under the table so your real partner can't see it. I've had so many illicit meetings with alcohol, I was so in love with it until things in my life started to go wrong. I would never be in a relationship for long, would be serially unfaithful, never have any stability.
My last relationship broke up and my three children went to live with their mother. I continued to see the children, but I was really going off the rails, I had my own business and was working from home, I was getting quite successful but I wonder how many of my business clients knew they were dealing with a "lush" all of them I guess!
My friends never mentioned my drinking problem, although it must have beeen so obvious. My parents knew, but I always told them I didn't have a problem...I was going places...wasn't I?
I got an honors degree in computing whilst drinking most of the time (I really don't know how!)
After the split with my Ex I had freedom of choice, I could choose to drink first thing in the morning and I guess I was drinking about 4 litres of extra strong cider everyday. I think that works out at over ten times the recommended alcohol intake per week for an adult male.
I started to look bad, looking back at the photos now I feel like I'm looking at a junkie. I stated to get more and more insecure and would pick arguments with people, I can't imagine what an asshole I must have seemed to others.
I was never violent to anyone and I guess that's a blessing, but I was such a fool, I had become the centre of my own universe, with alcohol as my partner and everything else was secondary.
I've managed to stop now for 11 days (I know that doesn't sound like much) but it's the longest time I've been without a drink in over 20 years. I was a bit foolish for the first time i realised I was growing apart from my current partner, we weren't doing anything because so many activities revolved around me driving. (I'm so lucky I never got caught for drink driving, or for killing someone, because I would drive if I needed another drink. )
I'd finally found someone I was truly in love with and alcohol was killing the relationship, I started to suspect my girlfriend was having an affair...was becoming more and more paranoid. It was horrible, finally I realised that I had to do something about the madness that was taking over my life.
I was checked out at the hospital and was told I had irregularities in my liver and if I didn't do something about it, I would be drinking myself to death.
I was given helpful information by staff at the hospital, given contacts to help me to cure my addiction and was told it was all up to me.
I thought I'd just stop on my own, give it 7 days and if that didn't help I'd go to the alcohol abuse clinic. I realised though after a couple of days I did need the help and contacted the alcohol abuse clinic, they saw me quickly and gave me the support I needed so desperately. They also recommended AA and I decided to give that a try.
So I stopped completely (a bit stupid really) to go from 200 plus units of alcohol to nothing and the withdrawal was terrible. I was reminded of Ewan Mcgreggor in Train spotting when he goes cold turkey. The withdrawal was so bad after a few days that I felt like I was going mad so I went to the doctors and they put me on librium, the withdrawal symptoms eased a little but I was still going through so much emotional pain. Each following day was getting easier though, I started to feel a little happier, could look at myself in the mirror again and was becoming able to be motivated to work and to make plans for my future.
I know it's early days for me, but I really had to write this down, maybe share my experiences with people in the same situation. I know I can never drink again and I'm sure I'll be tempted.
I haven't turned to God to do this (although I don't condemn those that do) and I encourage anyone who has been in denial, like me to open their eyes and envision a wonderful and successful life free from addiction.
Thankyou for listenning
Rob
The thing with booze though is it really alters your reality, you act unreasonably and don't realise you are at fault, you become self opinionated, make an ass of yourself, you lose your motivation, creativity and you not only hurt yourself, but others around you. When I remember every time I ever did something I regretted, it was always whilst under the influence of alcohol.
Being an alcoholic you start a relationship with an uncaring lover, a lover that seems to comfort you and is always close to you, by your side as you sit outside appreciating nature, playing hide and seek under the table so your real partner can't see it. I've had so many illicit meetings with alcohol, I was so in love with it until things in my life started to go wrong. I would never be in a relationship for long, would be serially unfaithful, never have any stability.
My last relationship broke up and my three children went to live with their mother. I continued to see the children, but I was really going off the rails, I had my own business and was working from home, I was getting quite successful but I wonder how many of my business clients knew they were dealing with a "lush" all of them I guess!
My friends never mentioned my drinking problem, although it must have beeen so obvious. My parents knew, but I always told them I didn't have a problem...I was going places...wasn't I?
I got an honors degree in computing whilst drinking most of the time (I really don't know how!)
After the split with my Ex I had freedom of choice, I could choose to drink first thing in the morning and I guess I was drinking about 4 litres of extra strong cider everyday. I think that works out at over ten times the recommended alcohol intake per week for an adult male.
I started to look bad, looking back at the photos now I feel like I'm looking at a junkie. I stated to get more and more insecure and would pick arguments with people, I can't imagine what an asshole I must have seemed to others.
I was never violent to anyone and I guess that's a blessing, but I was such a fool, I had become the centre of my own universe, with alcohol as my partner and everything else was secondary.
I've managed to stop now for 11 days (I know that doesn't sound like much) but it's the longest time I've been without a drink in over 20 years. I was a bit foolish for the first time i realised I was growing apart from my current partner, we weren't doing anything because so many activities revolved around me driving. (I'm so lucky I never got caught for drink driving, or for killing someone, because I would drive if I needed another drink. )
I'd finally found someone I was truly in love with and alcohol was killing the relationship, I started to suspect my girlfriend was having an affair...was becoming more and more paranoid. It was horrible, finally I realised that I had to do something about the madness that was taking over my life.
I was checked out at the hospital and was told I had irregularities in my liver and if I didn't do something about it, I would be drinking myself to death.
I was given helpful information by staff at the hospital, given contacts to help me to cure my addiction and was told it was all up to me.
I thought I'd just stop on my own, give it 7 days and if that didn't help I'd go to the alcohol abuse clinic. I realised though after a couple of days I did need the help and contacted the alcohol abuse clinic, they saw me quickly and gave me the support I needed so desperately. They also recommended AA and I decided to give that a try.
So I stopped completely (a bit stupid really) to go from 200 plus units of alcohol to nothing and the withdrawal was terrible. I was reminded of Ewan Mcgreggor in Train spotting when he goes cold turkey. The withdrawal was so bad after a few days that I felt like I was going mad so I went to the doctors and they put me on librium, the withdrawal symptoms eased a little but I was still going through so much emotional pain. Each following day was getting easier though, I started to feel a little happier, could look at myself in the mirror again and was becoming able to be motivated to work and to make plans for my future.
I know it's early days for me, but I really had to write this down, maybe share my experiences with people in the same situation. I know I can never drink again and I'm sure I'll be tempted.
I haven't turned to God to do this (although I don't condemn those that do) and I encourage anyone who has been in denial, like me to open their eyes and envision a wonderful and successful life free from addiction.
Thankyou for listenning
Rob
posted by Rob at 5:28 AM
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