Month 3 - Who said it was an easy ride

Month 3 and I've experienced everything from happiness to the pits of depression, a rollercoaster of insecurity and damnation and man does it hurt sometimes. Without alcohol there is a reality shift, it seems you don't know what to trust in a new and alien world. Doubting the intentions of others, becoming convinced my partner doesn't want to be with me...is having an affair, jealousy, frustration, obsessive behavior...wow it's hard. I'm managing to keep my head together by reading self help books on Cognitive behavioral therapy, working on my self esteem and using Shamanic techniques. It's still a hard ride though. I'm quite surprised I haven't reached for the bottle, but I know it doesn't bring a solution to my problems only an invitation for more. I feel it is hard to talk about the way I feel inside with my partner and that my behavior is likely to drive her away. I don't like the feeling of dependence that I have, looking into the future I see us apart and it's like I'm trying to create that reality. Is that mad or what?