Giving up drinking is easy...honest!
Giving up drinking is easy, made easier by hitting "rock bottom" first. I hit an emotional rb and was fortunate enough to realize that if I were not to change I would continue on a path of self-destruction. Insecurity and low self esteem have been the hardest things I have had to deal with. It also seems that you only appear to notice the "negatives" of a situation and in my case make predictions of the future to fulfil your darkest and saddest thoughts.
My hardest challenge has been to deal with a lot of the emotonal/ psychological shit on my own. I've been lucky enough to have had support from those closest to me, but I still feel alone, sharing my terrors only truly with myself and thus making those around me suffer. It must be hell to live with me when I'm on a "downer"!
I tried out AA and was disappointed, I am interested in empowerment and having the strength to get over alcoholism and confronting the negative issues in my life, whereas AA is about handing your problems over to "A god as I understand him..." and working the 12 steps, attending 90 meetings in 90 days, man that just sounds a bit like brainwashing to me. Don't get me wrong, if it works for you do it, it just didn't work for me. From what I have seen of AA you may well get over your addiction but you will never truly be free, strong and independent, which is how I aspire to be.
I found an alternative to AA called Rational Emotive Therapy a method of identifying irrational thoughts and how to recognise that such thoughts are not facts.
I think that the problems that led me to develop addictive behavior was down to insecurity. Pinning down when the feeling originaly came to me is hard to locate. Alcohol originally helped to supress the fears and in the early days drinking was great, it really helpred me to fulfil my desires. After drinking for a few years things started to change though, old insecurities became more prominent and alcohol started to aggravate my irrational thoughts.
A pattern then emerged of co-dependency (although I didn't realise it then) and I'd drift from relationship to relationship on a quest for an exagerated and incorrect perception of love. My low self-esteem and insecurity led me to continually expect I would be let down if I ever trusted anyone and made it hard for me to forge friendships as I always thought I was being judged or not interesting...etc.
I'm at the point now where I can recognize where I have been going wrong, but change is so hard. I have two choices:
Rob
My hardest challenge has been to deal with a lot of the emotonal/ psychological shit on my own. I've been lucky enough to have had support from those closest to me, but I still feel alone, sharing my terrors only truly with myself and thus making those around me suffer. It must be hell to live with me when I'm on a "downer"!
I tried out AA and was disappointed, I am interested in empowerment and having the strength to get over alcoholism and confronting the negative issues in my life, whereas AA is about handing your problems over to "A god as I understand him..." and working the 12 steps, attending 90 meetings in 90 days, man that just sounds a bit like brainwashing to me. Don't get me wrong, if it works for you do it, it just didn't work for me. From what I have seen of AA you may well get over your addiction but you will never truly be free, strong and independent, which is how I aspire to be.
I found an alternative to AA called Rational Emotive Therapy a method of identifying irrational thoughts and how to recognise that such thoughts are not facts.
I think that the problems that led me to develop addictive behavior was down to insecurity. Pinning down when the feeling originaly came to me is hard to locate. Alcohol originally helped to supress the fears and in the early days drinking was great, it really helpred me to fulfil my desires. After drinking for a few years things started to change though, old insecurities became more prominent and alcohol started to aggravate my irrational thoughts.
A pattern then emerged of co-dependency (although I didn't realise it then) and I'd drift from relationship to relationship on a quest for an exagerated and incorrect perception of love. My low self-esteem and insecurity led me to continually expect I would be let down if I ever trusted anyone and made it hard for me to forge friendships as I always thought I was being judged or not interesting...etc.
I'm at the point now where I can recognize where I have been going wrong, but change is so hard. I have two choices:
- Accept the irrational thoughts and fulfil my perverse desire for unhappiness
- Accept that I am catostrophizing and work constructively to improve myself and adopt healthy beliefs rather than negative ones.
Rob
posted by Rob at 12:32 AM
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